i just google imaged poop.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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