but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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