we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he puts the penis in happiness.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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