His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
