Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
