this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
