Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
