My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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