the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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