The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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