next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
