Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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