Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
