So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
