Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
