my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
