This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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