Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
