she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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