btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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