Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
