He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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