I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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