i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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