Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
