I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
