I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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