Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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