I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
