There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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