They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
