he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
