tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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