we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
