I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
