All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
