In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
