I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
