So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
