Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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