I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
