Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
