her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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