Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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