Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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