He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
