I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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