no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
