i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to be your penis for a week.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
