We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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