my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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