I just threw up on my dentist
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
