It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
